The Southern Catholic Tackles College Football Conference Realignment

@TheSouthCath

Before I get started let me just say this may either be the quickest and to the point blog I ever write or it may ramble on like a book about "alternative lifestyle" vampires...

As is with many other southerners, college football is a way of life.  Ask any southern male, or female depending on the state, what they're thinking about in March and they'll tell you: "The home opener in September."  It's no different in my circle of friends which is about 75% alumni and 25% people who are related to, friends with or are soon to be alumni of The University of Alabama.  As most of us know, and even though some of us are ashamed to admit it *looks toward Knoxville* the epicenter of the Southeastern Conference is The University of Alabama.  But, if you ask alumni/fan of another SEC school, they'll say we're just being arrogant, and they'd be right.

As a matter of fact, here is the exact order in which SEC teams are recognized from people outside of the South, aka, people whose teams we wax on and wax off in bowl games.

1. The University of Alabama

2. Florida

3. LSU

4. Georgia

5. Alabama Polytechnic Institute

6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 & 12. No one recognizes these bottoms feeding cellar dwellers enough to mention them by name.  But, I digress.

The subject of conference realignment has been discussed a lot lately by ESPN talking heads, Paul Finebaum and even Rick and Bubba got in on it back when it was at its peak last summer.

Here I'll go through college football conference realignment with a fine tooth comb.  But first, I've got establish some ground rules.

1.  We're only dealing with the SEC, Big 12, Big 10, Big East & Pac-12.... none of the other conferences matter, except for being some one's homecoming game and when beating Michigan in the Big House.  Although there may be a NAQ team I move to an AQ Conference.

2.  I will be discussing each conference as if it is in a different universe.  For Example:  I may move a team to the Big 10, but later say it fits in the SEC.  These scenarios are all handled separately as to not create some kind of weird 'Back to the Future' timeline.

3. Independents will not be mentioned.  That's what they get for being weird.  (The Southern Catholic's views and opinions on Notre Dame, coming to a blog near you)

NOW: Lets get started:

1.  BIG 12 (aka Texas' Conference)

I know the Big 12 is now technically a 10 team conference.  But lets be honest, even though Iowa State & Baylor are still there, did they ever really count in the first place?

So, Colorado and The Nebraska 'Huskers both parted ways never to be seen or heard from again.  Although I took Nebraska going to the Big 10 harder than I expected because all my life I'd grouped your "Texases", "Oklahomas" and your "Nebraskas" together in my mind.  So seeing Big Red roll off to play The Ohio State Buckeyes and Mr. Magoo's Brittany Lions every year kinda stung.

Back to work:  So the Big 12 is down to 10 teams.  And, I think we're all in agreement here that a conference must have at least 12, 14 or 16 teams in order to have a conference championship and to make this post more interesting.  But, a conference championship must be played and should be every conference's main objective.

Here's what I would do for the Big 12 to make them complete again and probably more entertaining to watch than before the "Buffs" left to go play hacky sack with UCLA.

A.  BOISE STATE: Newly minted Mountain West rejects who will spend the next 10 years winning enough games to keep a defibrillator near Lou Holts at all times.  But with the schedule and recruiting that would be available to them in the Big 12, they'd turn into a beast in just a year or two.

Picture Boise State and Oklahoma in Arrowhead Stadium, duking it out for the Big 12 Championship.  Or The Broncos upsetting Texas Tech in Lubbock.  That'd make ol' Tubby tuck them ears in wouldn't it?

Now you're thinking aren't you?  Boise State in the Big 12 would make a hell of a good Saturday afternoon matchup.. Notice I didn't say Saturday evening, lets not get ahead of ourselves. I mean, they're still Boise State.

Next in line:
B.  SOUTHERN METHODIST:  A lot of people will question this move, say it's a reach and that I'm just bringing back the old Southwest Conference boys to fight in the playground again.  Well I say you're wrong.  I think SMU is fully rehabilitated since their bout with the NCAA's "death penalty" in 1987.

They have all the makings of a powerhouse again, except for fans, apparently no one goes to their games.  This would change when the Longhorns came to town.  A couple bouts with Oklahoma and Mizzou in Dallas and fans would be wearing Mustang gear just like the old days.

Now, as of right now, I couldn't tell you what kind of team they are except for a bad one.  But, after a few years of Big 12 & in state Texas recruiting, I'd bet they could pull something off.  One hundred dollars says they go to a BCS game within 5 years of joining up!

That wraps up the Big 12, two horse themed teams that need a little boost..

2. BIG 10 ( The SEC's lady boy )

I hadn't originally planned on doing any movement within the BIG 10, but a conference that's home to Iowa, Minnesota and Northwestern could always use some work.  So lets see what we can do.

Since they've already got 12 teams and since we don't want Herbstreit's head to explode, I'm only going to add 2 teams to the Big 10.  They'll be ripped right out of the Big East's grimy little irrelevant fingers.

A.  CINCINNATI:  Here's a team that wants to be great so bad they could spit.  They've got the talent, used to have the coach and they're from an AQ conference.  They even played as Tim Tebow's practice squad a couple of years ago.  The only problem is that they suck.  And they'll continue to do so as long as they're Big Easterners.

A move to the Big 10 would do nothing but help the Bearcats.  Like all the moves, recruiting would get a "shot in the arm".  Popularity would skyrocket and having actual relevant teams come to your house doesn't hurt much either.  Imagine being used to Rutgers fans and their leather jackets and greasy hair all the time and now you're dealing with snooty Buckeye and Michigan fans.  Fans who've actually kinda been there, but got beat by the SEC of course.  Yeah, it'd be a boost and a welcome one at that.

And just think a few years down the road, people may be able to spell your city's name without having to google it.

B.  WEST VIRGINIA:  This one really doesn't take much explanation.  This is a program that's always one good recruiting class from giving some team a run for their money in the National Championship hunt.  Even though Rich Rod screwed them over, they've got potential.  And you can't beat their colors and mascot.  That guy's got a gun!  And not like the Miami mascot either, he's actually legally has a gun!

I'm sure Michigan wouldn't like their maize being flaunted by some mountaineers.  But I think After they paddled em' real good in The Big House, they'd quieten down.

This wraps up the Big 10.   Sorry for the fluff!  It was kinda hard to get worked up about them.

3. BIG EAST

A.  NO CHANGE, just take away their AQ status and we're good.

4. PAC 12

A.  DRUG TESTS, this would eliminate having to watch baked fans and strung out players fight for the chance to get beat in the Rose Bowl or actually beat Tennessee and then chant "PAC 10!" the entire 4th quarter.  I got news for you bunch of barefoot hippies, Tennessee hasn't been good since Peyton Manning.  And he couldn't even win a Heisman!  OOOH! Too soon?!

That's it for PAC 12... They got Utah, which is about the only thing I could suggest, other than falling into the ocean and disappearing.

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST (5 in a row)
5. The Southeastern Conference (SEC)

Now what I'm about to do to our beloved SEC will never happen.  I hope that it doesn't.  It's not that I wouldn't like to see more talent and competition move into the league, but I think we're just fine the way we are.

Going West to East, I'll add 4 teams.

WEST:

A.  SOUTHERN MISS:  Why Southern Miss?  Well because they spring up every so often and fool somebody.  They've basically been scabbing in the SEC for who knows how long.  Another reason is up until I was about 8 or 10 years old I thought they were actually in the SEC.

Southern Miss, whether we like to admit it or not, is part of SEC tradition.  Even as I type this, Tyrone Protho's arms are wrapped around a Southern Miss player's head making "The Catch" in a painting behind my monitor.  I don't know how many of you can remember back to that game in 2005, but The Tide struggled.  As does every other SEC team that schedules them thinking it'll be a cupcakes.  They may be a cupcake but you end up with icing up your nose and sprinkles all over the floor, not even worth the taste.

They'd have to get a bigger stadium though, that'd be a stipulation for sure.  If they played every SEC team away they might as well stay where they're at.

B.  TEXAS......... Surprised?  Well, you probably should be in all honesty.  Texas has never dealt with us very much.  As a matter of fact, with the exception of the 2009 BCS National Championship game where The Tide rolled em' like a hot tamale, Texas has a winning record even over Alabama, as well as the rest of the conference ( I didn't check the facts there, but I'm thinking they probably do).

Texas has the quality, the recruiting and tradition we want and have to have in any team that joins.  Their tradition alone should make them a solid SEC style team coming in.  They'd have to grow a defense and keep that cow off the field (I'm afraid that position has already been filled in the SEC) but I think they've got what it takes.  While this move would leave the Big 12 out to dry, who cares?  Texas A&M?

And isn't burnt orange a whole lot easier to look at than Tennessee orange?

Moving on the EAST:

A. VIRGINIA TECH:  This one's easy, they're made for us.  Frank Beamer's style of coaching, cheap tricks and special teams antics would make even a shyster like Gene Chizik wonder where in the heck he pulled that rabbit from.

You can't beat watching the "globetrotters" of special teams hide the pigskin in their shirt while they run back an onside kick.  And who can forget where they were the first time they found out what a hokie was?

They've got the speed, the talent and their colors and logo are pretty badass.  I hear they even have a pretty good D, which they'll need here.  As long as they keep Frank Beamer on the sidelines, they'll get a pass to come aboard in my book.

And heck, Alabama's pretty much added them to their regular schedule anyway, so what's the harm in having the other 11 teams follow suit.

Lastly, the Prodigal Son returns:
B.  GEORGIA TECH:  I'd like each and every one of you that consider yourselves SEC fans to think about this and not get kinda angry:  We're the SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE!  The Conference of the daggum SOUTH!  And the team from ATLANTA is in Another Crappy Conference over there running the tripple option with Boston College!

Ever since we lost them in 1964, there's been a hole that no razorback or gamecock could ever fill.  They're a team that needs to come home to momma.  No more of this messing around, playing Georgia once a year because you're in the same state and are old rivals.  I bet they don't even wanna play Georgia either, kinda like you don't wanna see that one cousin, but you've got to because it's Christmas.

Instead Georgia Tech needs to come back and shake up the east.  There'd be no free rides over there anymore.  They bring an offense that with the right players (which they'd get in a couple years in the SEC) would be deadly.  Mixed with a defense they'd have to score off a dealer in the "ATL" and you've got yourself a solid contender.

I challenge anybody to give me a good reason why Tech shouldn't come back.  They're in Atlanta, they run the triple option, they've got built in rivals and their mascot's a stinging insect.

And lets not forget, they've been gone from the SEC almost 50 years and still have more conference championships than Auburn....

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I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Is it football season yet?!

@TheSouthCath