Sunday, March 11, 2012

MARCH SADNESS: Why Basketball Pains Me So.....

@TheSouthCath

I know that I'm not alone in this, but I wouldn't wish this suffering on anybody.  I cannot stand the thought, mention or viewing of basketball in any form.

This isn't even to say that I don't like basketball, because I can watch a game or two if it's got a lot of hype.  I was into LIN-sanity back when that was happening & as a student at Alabama I went to a few games.  Hell, we even went to an Alabama basketball game during my bachelor party weekend.

But when I'm not actively watching an exciting hyped up game on TV or in the stands, I would be just fine if the whole sport did not exist (especially the NBA).  And I think this all stems from the hangover from football season.

You know, you spend three months from June to August reading all kinds of scouting reports, watching ESPN specials about college football & what teams got it "going on" as the kids say and then football season starts.  Then it's 4 months and some change of nothing but solid football. 

It's daily, you're at work, home, the grocery store or just talking on the phone, no matter what, you're talking football.  Whether you're picking through the passed week's performances with a fine toothed comb or hoping next week's opponent's quarterback gets deemed ineligible, your conversations usually involve the pigskin.  This is, until the BCS National Championship game (Roll Tide) or the Super Bowl, depending on your geographical location.  It's all over when these two games' clocks hit "00:00".

Then you're a poor little step kid with your arms folded, head down and sitting on the couch.  And there's College Basketball, your new step parent, knelt in front of you promising everything under the sun just to make you like them.

College Basketball:  "Come on, me and you can be good friends.. Tell ya what, I'll give you a sport to watch in spring time so you won't get bored between Bowl Season and A-Day! Whatdaya say?"

You: "Really?  Is there going to be tackling, touchdowns and chop blocks?"

College Basketball:  "Well...no, there's actually no contact allowed in basketball...  But! We do have games on most nights of the week, not just Saturdays.  How's that sound?"

You:  "Really?!  Will every game matter and hold the fate of the season in its outcome?"

College Basketball:  "Ummm... Not exactly, you can pretty much lose 487 games and still make it into the NCAA tournament and win the National Championship...  Oh hey, here's one for ya.  We have a playoff!  No more BCS, each team has an equal shot at getting to the big dance.  No team is punished for losing a couple of games."

You:  "Ooh?  That does sound kinda fun....  Well, does the SEC still dominate when it comes playoff and championship time?"

College Basketball: "Well sweetie.. ha haaa.. funny story....  The Big Ten & The Big East pretty much dominate every year in College Basketba.....  Hey, where ya going?!"

You: "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL SPORT!"

This is the the point in the conversation where you storm out crying, run to your room and lock the door.  You get the point.

Keep in mind, I hold nothing against my friends and family who enjoy a little punkin' chunkin'.  I often tell them how envious I am that they've got a sport they enjoy that lasts through April.  I just can't seem to open up to it no matter how hard I try.  I even made a bracket one year for the NCAA tournament.  I of course failed miserably because I couldn't get used to phrases like "Duke Wins" or  "Vandy tramples Bama".  Not to mention the little cutsie phrases such as "Rock Chaulk Jay Hawk" that just make me want to hide in closet until at least the NFL Preseason.

Lastly, I'd just like to tell my fellow football fans in withdraw that A-Day and most college spring games are only a month or so away (April 14th).  Here's hoping we can survive until then!

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